holbeck

What does it mean “to forgive?” It is obvious that humans find it hard to understand what forgiveness is all about. There is not much forgiveness being shown in today’s world, so there are not many examples from which to learn. In addition some of the definitions of “forgive” are misleading or totally inadequate. My dictionary of almost 3000 large pages of small print came up with this definition, to stop feeling angry with somebody who has done something to harm, annoy or upset you; to stop feeling angry with yourself /forgive somebody/yourself (for something/for doing something). The problem with such a definition is that it confuses the end-result with the process. The result of forgiving should be the lessening and ceasing of anger. However the definition gives no description of the process involved in forgiving another person in such a way that there is a lessening or ceasing of anger.  It is inadequate to tell someone who knows they need to forgive another person, “Stop feeling angry with them!” They need help to find the process to follow.

An example of true forgiveness

One of the most moving accounts I have ever read of forgiveness in action featured an incident in the life of Corrie Ten Boom recorded in her book,  “The Hiding Place”.  She was a young woman in Holland who had helped many Dutch Jews escape from the Nazis. But her family was betrayed by one of their countrymen, and she was sent with her sister to a concentration camp, where her sister died.

She wrote that after the war, in 1947, she was speaking in Germany with the message that God’s forgiveness is total. After one of the meetings, a man came forward to thank her for her message. He didn’t recognise her, but she recognised him as one of the cruellest guards at her concentration camp. He was a man partly responsible for her sister’s death. Now he stood before her, not recognising her, and wanting to shake her hand. He told her that he had been a guard at the concentration camp she had mentioned, but now he was a Christian, and had felt a need to ask her to forgive him. She tells how for seconds, she froze and could not take his hand. She knew she had to, and prayed an arrow prayer that Jesus would help her to extend her hand to take his as a token of her forgiveness for him.

She describes what happened, “an incredible thing happened. A current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then, this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes. ‘I forgive you brother!’ I cried, ‘with all my heart.’ For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God’s love so intensely as I did then. But even so, I realised that it was not my love. I had tried but did not have the power. It was the power of the Holy Spirit as recorded in Romans 5:5, “because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit, given to us.”

A Process of Forgiveness

It’s a very moving account of what one woman went through as she tried to put her faith into action. It describes part of the process of forgiveness. She was faced with a choice, to forgive or not to forgive. She chose to forgive the man and to treat him as a brother in Christ. As she acted on her choice, the emotional release followed. The process beginning with the choice to forgive,  resulted in the cessation of her anger. We will see in what follows that the first part of forgiving someone is choosing to do so.

The freedom of being forgiven

One of the most exciting things in ministry is seeing people being freed of guilt from the things of the past or the present. They become almost new people with a sense of purpose in life and a real optimism about the future. Once they may have been very fearful or even emotionally paralysed because of the degree of guilt they felt. However when they asked for and experienced true forgiveness from God they began to live with a freedom they could never have envisaged. Such was the experience of John Newton of “Amazing Grace” fame. His first verse shows his emphasis on the grace of God, that He was willing to “save” him from his wretched life.

“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,

That saved a wretch like me….

I once was lost but now am found,

Was blind, but now, I see.

When did that experience begin for John Newtown? He tells us in the next verse,

How precious did that Grace appear…

the hour I first believed.

It was when he put his trust in God that he came to understand the magnitude of his sin and the immensity of the grace and mercy of God in forgiving “a wretch” like him, as he put it.

The freedom of being forgiving

It is also exciting to see some who have experienced the freedom of forgiveness from God, go on from there to learn to forgive others who hurt them. It is very disturbing to discover how humans treat each other and to realise the degree of hurt and pain they can inflict on each other. However to see someone forgive a person who brought them great personal pain in the past, is a witness to the grace of God. By His grace they were enabled to receive His forgiveness. By experiencing His grace in being forgiven, they were motivated and empowered to forgive those who hurt them.

In coming articles we will explore the meaning of forgiveness and how we can receive and experience it for ourselves. We will also look at what is involved in really forgiving other people, and as a result knowing the freedom it brings to those bound up in their unforgiveness.

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER  (Added in May 2016)

1). What does it mean to forgive someone? What do you think is involved in doing so?

2). Does the example of Corrie Ten Boom in our story encourage you towards forgiving someone or does it discourage you because you feel it is not possible for you? Why do you feel that way?

3). Do you think you have to feel forgiving towards someone before you can forgive them? Why do you think that?

4). Someone has said, “Only forgiven people can forgive.” Do you think that is a true statement? Give a reason for your answer.

5). What part of John Newton’s hymn “Amazing Grace” above really appeals to you? Why?

Jim Holbeck.  Blog No.3.    Posted on Tuesday 08 February 2011 (Revisited May 2016)

The conference speaker looked up in amazement and shock. He had issued an invitation as he usually did when speaking on a particular topic. He had asked those who believed they had never sinned, to stand. At every other conference people had smiled but no one had ever stood. That was his expectancy for this meeting as well. However to his surprise a man towards the front of the crowd stood up. There was an embarrassing silence. The speaker wasn’t sure what to do. He had hoped to show that everyone knew they were not perfect and needed to be forgiven, and so he did not expect anyone to stand.

Self Righteousness is Self Deception

The crowd looked at the “sinless” man with surprise. They looked at the speaker wondering what he would do now. After what seemed to be an interminable silence, something happened. The man’s wife who was sitting beside her husband began to laugh. She couldn’t stop. The crowd relaxed and began to laugh too. The man sat down red-faced. Wives know the truth about their husbands even when the latter are self-deceived!

Christians believe that the Bible shows that every person ever born on this earth needs forgiveness from God. (Except for Jesus whom the Bible describes as sinless). The apostle John wrote about humans in 1 John 1:8 If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. And in 1 John 1:10,  If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

 Those who believe they are perfect, are deceived. Everyone needs to be forgiven of their wrongdoing and sin. Shortly we will see the evidence for this conviction. But first we look at who needs to forgive.

Who Needs To Forgive?

The answer briefly is that everyone has someone or a number of people to forgive.  Not only that but they need to forgive for their own spiritual and emotional well-being as Jesus taught.

In my last article I wrote about a woman named Robyn who had to forgive her husband for walking out on her and their two young sons. Then she had to forgive her ex-husband’s new wife for her part in splitting up the family.  How they all later became friends is an astonishing story which shows the healing power of forgiveness in human relationships.

What sort of people need we to forgive? It ranges from those who brought pain into our lives when we were children, to those who hurt us in some way today. These may include those in family situations such as parents, siblings, and children as well as those in the wider family. My ministry to many people over the years has shown me that not all those in a “wider family” have the same values or moral code as those in the inner family.  I have been astounded sometimes to hear just how horrific have been the situations in what appeared to be well-adjusted, respected families and “wider” families.

Not Everything is As It Appears To Be! Nor are people! 

I think of a man who was seen as one of the most respected members of the local community, a “pillar of society”.  But one granddaughter began to ask questions of her sisters and aunts and the discovery was made that he had sexually abused a number of them. The granddaughter’s willingness to raise the difficult questions led ultimately to a great deal of healing for the women involved and protection for the younger children.  I say in all sincerity that things are not always as they appear to be, even in families.

Others who may need to be forgiven include other authority figures such as teachers or scout or guide leaders for inappropriate words or actions.  Even some psychologists and psychiatrists may need to be forgiven for what was later seen as inappropriate or harmful counselling or treatment. There are perhaps many other authority figures in our lives who were less than perfect in their contact with us. Many had a very negative impact on our lives if we are willing to admit it.

Forgiving People And Organisations

Not only do we need to forgive individuals but we may need to forgive organisations or groups of people who brought harm into our lives. For example some have had to forgive hospital boards for hiring unskilled or unethical medical practitioners who caused them or their loved ones harm through inappropriate treatment. Others have had to forgive church or secular bodies which did not monitor placement of children for adoption or foster care.

There are many in today’s world who have found it necessary to forgive a church denomination for changing its doctrinal formulas. One of the sad stories I read was of an older Bible believing minister who had remained “orthodox” throughout his whole ministry but people with a different approach to the Bible had gotten into positions of responsibility in that denomination. They had eventually succeeded in changing the doctrine and practice of that denomination. He felt he no longer belonged to “his church”.   His lament, “I haven’t changed. I still believe the things my denomination had always taught. But now the church has changed and I feel I am an outsider in my own church.”

   There are literally thousands of ministers and lay people in denominations around the world who have had to leave denominations which are turning away from God’s revealed will in the Bible and adopting secular thinking such as political correctness. Even more seriously, some have had to forgive Christian denominations for condoning and even encouraging behaviour that they believe is repugnant to God. Forgiving never means condoning evil. But forgiving releases those who are bound up with disappointment, frustration and anger to be able to make rational choices about their future.

When you really think about it there are a lot of people to be forgiven around us, even as we need to be forgiven.  The wonderful truth we will see in coming articles is that humans can forgive, and that there is a tremendous freedom that comes from doing so.  We will be encouraged by the stories of those who learnt to forgive. We will be encouraged too by reading of the blessings and healings that came to them as a result.

Questions To Consider (Added May 2016)
1). In 1 John 1:8 John writes that to think of oneself as sinless is to be deceived. Why would some people consider themselves to be perfect? How can people become deceived about themselves?
2). John added in 1 John 1:10 that if we claim to be without sin we make God out to be a liar. Why is that so?
3). What is the antidote in the following verses to getting wrong ideas about ourselves? 1Jn 1:8 “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.”
4). Why does John say that God is both “faithful” and “just” in forgiving sin? What is the importance of the word “just” in this context?
5). If God has made it possible for people to be cleansed from their sins, why do some folk still feel unclean even as believers? How can they be helped to come to a deeper sense of feeling clean?

Jim Holbeck.   Blog No.2. Posted 06February 2011  (Revisited May 2016)

(Note: This article can be downloaded as a PDF file here.) 001. FORGIVENESS. To Forgive

Is it possible to forgive those who hurt us? In this article and in future articles I want to share some stories to show that some people have been able to do so in quite amazing ways.  They are true stories but names have been changed for reasons of privacy and confidentiality. (I am hoping the stories will finish up in written publications in the days ahead.)

A Funeral Service in Sydney

“Thank you Mum for bringing Dad back into our lives.” Twelve year old Allan spoke those words with utter sincerity. One can imagine all sorts of settings where those words might have been spoken. However it was an amazing scene I was witnessing as he spoke.

You see when Allan spoke those words he was standing at a lectern in a funeral chapel in Sydney. He had asked to say something at a Funeral service. It was the service for his mother. She had died from the ravages of a terrible cancer. As he spoke the words he was  looking at the casket in which his mother lay dead. On that day I learnt a little bit more about forgiveness. I had been preaching and teaching on forgiveness for many years. Now I was seeing afresh with my own eyes the results of true forgiveness.

A Sad Story

Allan’s parents had divorced after his father Roger had walked out of the family home to begin a new relationship with another woman. Some years later his mother Robyn had come to the Healing Ministry at the Cathedral after a cancer had began to invade her body. She was full of bitterness towards her ex-husband. She was also very bitter towards his new wife  Lyn.  In the seminars on “Forgiveness” she learnt about the importance of forgiveness. She realised that she needed to experience the forgiveness of God for herself. She realised too that she needed to forgive Roger for deserting her and Lyn for destroying her marriage and family life. Robyn acted on the truths she heard at the seminars.  What happened was amazing.

An Amazing Result

As the cancer continued to spread and she became weaker and weaker she knew she had to do something about her sons. She had by now learnt to forgive Roger. So she made contact with him to explain that she was soon to die and their sons needed their father.  As her condition worsened, Roger and Lyn invited Robyn and her sons to come to live with them in their home.  Much healing took place as forgiveness was asked for and received. It was Roger and Lyn who lovingly cared for Robyn for the final months of her life. Little wonder that Allan could say at that funeral service, “Thank you Mum for bringing Dad back into our lives.”

We may wonder “How could Robyn have done that, having been through such pain and rejection?” The answer is that she did what God commands us all to do, and that is to forgive all those who have hurt us. She made a choice to forgive. God gave her the grace to do so.

It may be for some of us that our rejection was not nearly as deep as that which Robyn suffered. Others may feel that their pain was much deeper than Robyn’s. But the principles of forgiveness remain the same for each of us no matter how much rejection and pain we have been through.

How About You and Me?

We all need to be forgiven by God, and hopefully others may forgive us of the hurts we caused them. We all need to forgive, and by the grace of God we can do so.

In following articles we will see more real-life examples of those who once felt that they would never be able to forgive, but who wondrously did so. Great emotional healing (and sometimes surprising physical healing) took place in their lives.

I trust that this story and the stories to follow may encourage us to believe that to forgive, is indeed possible.

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER (Added in May 2016)

1). Robyn had been taught at the Healing Ministry from Matthew 18:27 that forgiveness is a choice. How did her attitude show she had made the right choices?

2). Did Robyn’s ex-husband deserve to be forgiven by her? If not, why do you think she forgave him?

3). Are there any people we need to forgive? Do they deserve our forgiveness? What helpful example for ourselves can we see in Robyn’s attitude towards her ex-husband?

4). Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”  The word to “forgive” here is from (charis) meaning “grace” or “unmerited favour”. God forgives us by giving us something we could never deserve.  In what way is our forgiveness towards others to be seen as an act of grace towards them?

Jim Holbeck. Blog No.1. Posted 04 February 2011 (Revisited  in May 2016)