Unfortunately, we do not know after whom Valentine’s Day was named. There are at least three possibilities, one of them being a Bishop who was martyred for his faith. However, research has not actually found who Valentine was. St Valentine’s Day is included in the Church of England Book of Common Prayer as being on 14^th February in “The Calendar with the Table of Lessons” under “Martyred at Rome c.269.” It is no longer in more recent Calendars in other Anglican churches.

It has become a day when lovers express their affection for one another by sending cards or giving gifts. It appears that Valentine’s Day did not come to be celebrated as a day of romance until about the 14th century. It was in the 18th century in England that greeting cards known as “valentines”  were sent to loved ones.

In “Gammer Gurton’s Garland. The Nursery Parnassus” by Joseph Ritson,”  there is an example of the type of simple affectionate message that appeared on such cards. It read,

“The rose is red, the violet’s blue, The honey’s sweet, and so are you.

Thou art my love and I am thine; I drew thee to my Valentine:

The lot was cast and then I drew, And Fortune said it shou’d be you.” [NOTE 1].

Expressions of love need to be appropriate. But love can be complicated. There are many words used in English to describe the various types of love. One of the best guides to understanding the different types of love is in the writings of CS Lewis, the late English Professor whose writings have become known around the world. He wrote a book with the title “The Four Loves.” He described them as affection [storge], friendship [philia], romantic [eros] and charity [agape]. [NOTE 2].

1].        Affection, [Storge].

“It’s the familiarity of the people with whom you are thrown together in the family, the college, the mess, the ship, the religious house,” says Lewis. “The affection for the people always around us, in the normal day-to-day of life, is the majority of the love we experience, even if we don’t label it.”  It is found in family love such as the affection children have for their parents and siblings and the affection parents have for their children and grandchildren.

2].        Friendship.[Philia].

Lewis wrote “friendship likely has closest resemblance to Heaven where we will be intertwined in our relationships. We develop a kinship over something in common and that longing for camaraderie makes friendship all the more wanted. … Think about it too. Friendships have begun faith movements, developed entire areas of thought, and contributed to many projects from art to business.”

In some ways, it is based on the attractiveness of the other person in our sight. It may be their character or the attractiveness of their wanting to create friendships. 

3].         Romantic love.  [Eros].

Lewis wrote, “Different than friendship, lovers, ‘are always talking to one another about their love’ and ‘are normally face to face, absorbed in each other.’” He adds, ‘The event of falling in love is of such a nature that we are right to reject as intolerable the idea that it should be transitory.’’’

Also “When we discover afresh that romance is more deeply set than the drivel served up by our culture, than we will more rightly hold our spouse in the model of unconditional love.”

4].        Charity. [Agape.]

Lewis wrote, ”This is our chief aim, the unconditional love of the Father given to us through his Son. Affection, friendship and romantic love are each the training ground for charity to grow. It’s also a rival to the three.” It is not based on the outward attractiveness of the other person but on an inward desire to seek the other person’s best interests.   

Reaching out to the other person can bring the pain of rejection or misunderstanding when they are conditioned by life’s experiences to treat any form of perceived kindness as a threat. It is painful when we make the effort to make the life of another person more comfortable or meaningful, to be rejected. But  true agape love takes that risk. As CS Lewis wrote, “If we think that perhaps love is not worth the sorrow and pain, then we are more pagan than Christian. Though the fall has invited such selfishness to linger heavy in our culture, ours is the Gospel charge – to go to the nth degree to love those who are broken, not for some vague humanitarian effort, but to make disciples of all nations, “baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.” (Matthew 28:19-20).

Is it possible for us to go to the nth degree in seeking to love the other person with agape love?

It is, when we understand that such love is a gift imparted to believers by the Holy Spirit. Our Christian hope enables us to receive the Lord’s blessings, “and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:5. Such love is beyond our human resources but it is a fruit of the Holy Spirit who comes to live in us when we open our hearts to the Lord, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23  gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23.   

St Paul described agape love in this passage, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5  or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6  it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8  Love never ends.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. That means that all the other loves can be appropriate when they are subsumed in the agape love of God, for God is love as we read in 1John 4:16. “So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.”  

So on Valentine’s Day as on every other day, “Let all that you do be done in [agape] love.” 1 Corinthians 16:14. It is love when we try to make other people feel better about themselves. It is not love when we act towards others so we can feel better about ourselves. It is not love when we act towards others to make them feel better about us or  like us more. True agape love is focussed on meeting the needs of the other, not on meeting one’s own needs.

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[NOTE 1]. https://www.gutenberg.org/files/34601/34601-h/34601-h.htm This has songs and verses for children written by John Ritson in “Gammer Gurton’s Garland. The Nursery Parnassus” in 1873.

NOTE 2]. https://www.cslewis.com/four-types-of-love/  by CS Lewis.

Blog No.528. Posted on Tuesday 13 February 2024.